There is nothing more devastating than losing someone that is a significant part of our lives. It gives an immeasurable sense of uncomfortability that most of us cannot seem to understand. It is as if there is a creation of emptiness from nothing in particular. There are too much sorrow and pain that controls life. With all the devastation, one can agree that the only way to fully recover is to acknowledge the mixed emotions coming from grief.
“Grieving the loss of a loved one tears open our hearts, our lives, and seems to make time stand still, as we search for ways to make sense of the loss and what it means to our whole lives. We cry, eat more or less, can’t sleep, long for our loved ones and wonder how we will ever be able to live without them. This is all normal in simple grief,” according to Deborah Khoshaba Psy.D.
But how can we make it through if we get surrounded by negative energy?
Psychologist William Worden suggests that there are “four tasks one must accomplish in order for the grieving and mourning processes to be completed appropriately, and life equilibrium to be re-established.” Accepting the reality, processing your grief and pain, adjusting to the world without your loved one, and maintaining connection to the dead loved one while moving on.
Finding The Right People
Friends and family are the ones we run to whenever we are not emotionally and mentally feeling okay. It is their role to help us get through the emotional crisis we are having. However, not all of them will avoid judgment. There are those people who will criticize us for being weak and unable to fix ourselves. Some will blame us and even throw the guilt on us. Some of these people have the potential to become the source of our emotional and mental agony. With that, we need to exert an extra effort in finding the right people to surround ourselves with. We have to focus on allowing positive energy instead of sticking with those unhealthy ones.
Communicating With Good Purpose
It is okay that some people feel sorry for our loss. No, we should not have to feel disheartened just because people are trying to extend their concern towards our emotional dilemma. Admit it. We often think that the way they show their care is somehow an insult to our emotional and mental capability. However, it is not like that. Yes, we excuse ourselves for thinking that people look down on us because we are not emotionally and mentally stable. Sometimes we believe that their actions can have a double meaning. Why? That is because we appear consumed with too many things in our head that we cannot identify which is helpful and not beneficial for our development anymore. Since we feel mixed with negative emotions, we need to use communication as a tool to help us remove ourselves from isolation.
One of the delightful things in life is having people that wholeheartedly listens to you and cares for you. So in times of emotional crisis, the best thing that can help us is always those significant people that are more than willing to reach out. On our part, though our grief can sometimes become a pain in the ass and takes over our lives, we still need to express our emotions. It is our responsibility to allow people to help us so we can get better. We have to understand the importance of good conversation from people who we trust and value. With that, we need to use all our remaining effort to talk with someone we trust. That is regardless if he or she can help us or not. Because even though that person can never do anything, the effort and time he or she provides in listening can become more than enough.
It is not always that we know how to handle situations. But in an emotional crisis, the people who genuinely care for us are the only ones we will need. Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. said “Navigating grief takes work. And it may mean doing things you’re unfamiliar or uncomfortable with, such as actually feeling your feelings. But it’s worth it.”